Using soft skills for personal gain

Most managers have heard that soft skills, or people skills, are important. But then the onslaught of the day happens and people skills become a memory. Or maybe they hover in the background, with us dimly wondering if there is anything we should change.

Soft skills are the ways you interact – how you work with people and engage with them. Research on the benefits of good people skills abounds, so there is no need to quote in great detail. But, suffice to say, the benefits include: improving employee engagement and retention; generating innovative ideas; fostering an open, collaborative environment; and improving productivity – and thus bottom-line results.

Some of my coaching clients are sceptical when I talk about improving their business results by focusing on how they interact with others. A few even say “don’t give me that touchy-feely stuff”. But in reality there are financial, scientific and evolutionary justifications for their importance.

Successful salespeople often have good people skills. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be able to deliver consistently. The soft skills in sales contribute to income. Conversely, if a manager admonishes an employee in an open-plan office regularly, that has a cost in lost productivity: in that moment while the employee isn’t working, afterwards as the employee recovers, and later at the coffee machine with others when they all spend time talking about the manager.

I did the calculation for a business that bills out staff at £120 an hour. Based on the manager doing this three times a day, affecting nine staff each for five minutes at a time, the result was over £60,000 in lost productivity. This compelled the owner to have a discussion with the manager. That discussion was an example of the owner using soft skills (feedback) about the manager’s soft skills (motivating others).

Employees are human. As much as some people wish business was just about the facts, emotions are unavoidable at work. Managers are satisfied if happiness and passion are present and hope that disappointment and frustration are not. Our brain evolution and structure means that the emotional part of our brain is stimulated before the executive functioning or reasoning part. This means that feelings are always present. In normal circumstances, those emotions don’t impede us, but occasionally they do. Having good soft skills means recognising emotions and how to deal with them effectively when necessary or helpful.  

You could go out of your way to read about the science behind acquiring soft skills, but there are some techniques you can try in the meantime to improve your interactions with others. Here are a couple of quick things you can do:

• make eye contact (appreciatively, not glaringly);
• focus on your mindset;
• put yourself in the other person’s shoes;
• know yourself;
• go a step beyond saying just thank you; and
• talk to people rather than emailing them

On a deeper level, start your day by thinking: how do I want to be today when I interact with others? Write your intention on a note and carry it around to remind yourself throughout the day. For example: I intend to slow down and bring people along with me.

Imagine what might be going on for others. When you ask someone to do a task, if you’re met with silence or disagreement, or you end up frustrated with something a colleague has done, ask yourself what they might be thinking – about your idea, about you, about the thing that frustrated you, or whatever is going on in their work or life at that moment. What might they be feeling about any of those things?

You must be able to recognise that you have strengths, weaknesses, preferences and tendencies in how you behave. Modify the ones that might be less effective. Pick one for now that might be hindering you (perhaps your partner has complained about it or you’ve been told in a performance review). 

For me, I can be too direct, going right to the point rather than engaging the person and setting the context. Now I breathe, look at the other person, use their name and ask if they have a minute. When they reply yes, I give a short context of why I’m asking them to do something. Then I talk about that specifically. Next, I ask if I’ve been clear (I take the onus for that, rather than putting it on them to understand me). Lastly, I thank them for their time, the information or their agreement to do the task. Notice this isn’t about asking how their weekend was – I’m suggesting engaging people differently as you’re getting the work done. There are other times for catching up and chatting (but make sure you do this too).

When you go to thank someone, stop. Look them in the eye and smile. Say it slowly enough for them to hear and feel it. If you already say a quick thank you to people, doing it in this genuine and connected manner takes barely any longer.

And you should always acknowledge people specifically for what they bring to a task – if they did it error-free, thoroughly, found a creative solution, did it within budget, involved key stakeholders etc. Say this, making sure to use the word ‘you’: “You did this quickly. I appreciate that. Thank you.” What you praise often gets repeated.

Always try to find some good in what someone has done, even if it’s a task littered with errors (what did go right about it?). Find a quality about the person that they displayed while making the effort. Point out that someone was tenacious, persistent, hard-working, collaborative, honest (especially if they admit they can’t do it) vulnerable (willing to make mistakes in front of you, better than hiding them), or even that they tried.

And make sure you take time for face-to-face interaction, or at least try calling. Email should only be for particular issues or situations. Every client I have complains about the number of emails they receive, so if everyone decreases the number of emails sent then we will all receive fewer. Sending emails can be less efficient then having a real conversation and it rarely builds engagement.

Though these people skills may sound simple – perhaps basic in some ways – they are not easy. The challenge is to consistently practise them with as many people as possible.

• provide a way to manage intergenerational differences in the workforce from baby boomers to generation Z. All those labels mean is that people are different, behave differently and have different needs.
• combat increasing stress and support the emotions of staff.
• respond to the accelerating pace of change – whether that’s technology, competition, regulation or consumer wants and needs.
• provide a way of coping with the idea of achieving more with less.
• can increase your own confidence or competence in interpersonal interactions.

The ICAEW Library & Information Service provides full text access to leading business, finance and management journals and a selection of key business and reference eBooks. Further reading on using soft skills as a manager is available through the resources below.